remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
