I want to have your abortion
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
