You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
