she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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