Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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