he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
