Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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