nut hugger
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
