She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
