so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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