Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
