Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
