fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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