I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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