those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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