he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize