My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
