I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
