just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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