yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
