Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
