I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I AM VODKA MAN
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
