Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
