Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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