Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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