omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My vagina is officially offended.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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