Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
