Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You ate ashes out of my bong
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize