With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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