I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
