Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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