I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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