Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Come share oat with me in your robe
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
