Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
