Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
