Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
