You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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