I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
