If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
