I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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