i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
