you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
