I could have mohawked her pubes.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
