he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
