I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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