I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize