just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
