Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
