They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
