so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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