More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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