Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
