I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
