my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
