I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
