I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
