NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
