Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
