Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i think we sleep fucked last night...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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