great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My bed smells like the plague
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