I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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